Top Ten Tips for Luuuurve

First posted August 2012

Following up on my last post – touting the four self-help dating books I read – the natural next step that I could see was to write my own top ten tips for finding Luuuurve (which is different and more fun than love) – so here they are, ppl… 

Andi Osho’s top ten dating tips: (which I’m definitely going to start totally following – Sssh!)

1. Love whatcha got, make the most of what you love about yourself and remember how fabulous you are. You are a gorgeous being and when you start believing it, those around you will too, including potential squeezes. If they don’t see how loveable you are, they’re simply not the one. My best relationship was based on the fact that we were each other’s biggest fans (and the belief that farting is HILARIOUS). Settle for this and nothing less (farting is up to you)

2. Read a good dating book – see previous post! Whatever freedoms and equalities each of us has managed to secure up to this point in time, successful dating remains pretty traditional and these books explain why. (THEN, make your own list of tips too. Spread the help, ppl…)

3. There are some unpalatable home truths you’ll read in relationship books and you’ll want to disagree with some of them because you’ll know someone or you yourself found love despite their advice. 

I.e. you know a woman who never went out but met someone on-line – that someone already had 12 kids but still found time to pop over to see her and make incredible love to her (all on their first date too). And now? They’re happily married / co-habiting / living their best lives. Whadda result!

Great, but remember, this person’s dating-story is an exception (there are always exceptions!). 

Following advice or dating tips you trust (you know, like mine) mean you won’t waste your time – or their time – and you’ll get the amazing relationship you deserve.

4. Don’t ignore the signs. If the object of your desire is being crappy about meeting up, taking you on proper dates, takes ages to call or text back – heed the warning signs. People are on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship and if you feel their best isn’t good enough, get rid. If a guy likes you, he’ll call. If a womxn likes you, she’ll call. They’ll call. Stop making excuses for them. Everyone knows how to use a phone. Who doesn’t have a phone attached to their being these days?

5. Crushes NEVER work out. What your subconscious mind is saying is, I’m not good enough for this person so I’ll just dream and fantasise about him/her/them instead. It also means despite all the signs and hints you’ve dropped like barbells on a biscuit tin, you’ve been ignored. Why? Because that particular luscious object ain’t interested (let them be, look after you).

6. Get out there – either with friends or on your own. Get creative about what you do and you’ll meet a broader range of people. Ever been to a football match? Give it a go and if your type is shouty, fat, bald men with a penchant for yelling with their mouths full, then all your Christmases will come at once.

7. If you must use internet dating, let me save you some time. Don’t bother writing a saccharine bio sharing your favourite films, top 5 albums and interests (Which, let me guess, include nights in snuggling on the sofa as well as nights out?). No one reads them. Just post a decent, recent photo and a titbit of info and if the right person is interested, they’ll contact you. And under no circumstances resort to poetry. You do this and I will hunt you down.

8. Don’t lower your standards but be willing to adapt and compromise. If you meet a date who’s amazing but is a little shorter than your preference for example, it may be worth still going on that one night out. This kind of small (poor choice of word) compromise may reveal a wonderful, happy surprise. And anyway, one date’s not going to kill you… unless it’s with Charles Manson. 

8a. Don’t date convicted mass murderers.

9. Live your life. Be You. You are lovely and living your life has made you into the person that that significant-other-in-waiting is going to want to ask out. Why would you compromise that?

Contrary to the sign language lesson in Jerry McGuire, a relationship will not complete you because you are already whole so have fun, get on with being you with your interests, hobbies, love of shopping, dislike of Sunday drivers, car boot sale fanaticism, weekly cinema trips, annual ice skating and whatever else it is you do.

10. Annnnd – in a replay (coz it’s important) to the ending of my self-help book blog: Remember if someone is wrong for you, no tactics can keep them and if they’re right for you, no mistake can keep them away – except perhaps murder….(unless you ignore tip 8a and then it’s a whole other ball game. Can’t help there!)

Now? How is my dating life in 2020? Weeelll, it’s hard to follow your own tips sometimes (I did most of the time, and not so some of the time) and sometimes the Universe delivers a lovely surprise. Clear as mud? Soz 😉

Pre-order my debut novel, Asking For A Friend at WHSmith, Amazon, Waterstones or support your local bookshop at Bookshop UK

One thought on “Top Ten Tips for Luuuurve

  • Isn’t it about time you seduced a string of younger men?
    I reckon you’d be doing most of them a big favour.
    Unfortunately, I don’t qualify. Plus, I have one of those fragile male egos that gets crushed by any rejection.

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